A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to the blonde and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. "Look", he explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This offer gets the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word; she reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and every friend he knows. All to no avail. After several hours of work, he finally gives up. The lawyer wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to go back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, says, "Hey wait just a minute. What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" Without saying a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says: "I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes, asshole. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being?
"It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large - all in the name of humour."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologise, when the blonde pipes up again: "You stay out of this, Mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"
John always preferred to spend Halloween nights at the local bar instead of passing out candy.
One cold Halloween evening John was really guzzling it down when suddenly he didn't feel well. "I'm going home early I've already had too much to drink and I can hardly stand up"
His friend remarked. "You can't drive in that condition, give me your keys. Why don't you take a short cut home by cutting across the cemetery? The cool air will do you good."
John mumbled, surrendered his keys and started off through the cemetery shivering in the cold air. "If I run thru here I'll get myself warmed up and I'll get home sooner" he thought. In his haste he didn't see an open gravesite. He slipped on the loose earth next to it and fell into the hole. As he lay there he realized how cold he was. He tried to move but the effects of all that drinking finally caused him to pass out.
At closing time another drunk bar patron was given the same advice as John. Because of the late hour he was warned to watch out for ghosts along his way. He shivered and rushed as fast as he could through the dark cemetery wary for any thing that might be in ghostly pursuit. It was so cold he could hear the grass crunch under his feet as he sped along. He followed the same path as John and in the darkness also stumbled into the open gravesite where John had passed out.
Thinking he had fallen on a ghost, he jumped up and scrambled out of the grave as fast as he could, clawing madly at the loose earth piled next to the hole.
John awakened, by the impact of someone landing on top of him, began to thrash his arms and legs trying to get to his feet. He was still in a stupor but he could see someone scrambling out of the grave. John spoke " I must have been here a long time. I glad you came by. I'm freezing."
The second man yelled down at him. "No wonder you're cold, you kicked all your dirt off!"
