JOKES—Page 4

(1) LET'S LEARN CHINESE

Begin by pronouncing the romanised "Chinese" words -- then check with the translation.....

Ai Bang Mai Ni.............I bumped into a coffee table
Chin Tu Fat....................I think you need a face lift
Dum Gai.........................Stupid Man
Fu Kin Su Pah................Great
Hu Yu Hai Ding?............Are you harbouring a fugitive?
Kum Hia Nao.................See me ASAP
Lei Ying Lo....................Staying out of sight
No Pah King...................This is a tow away zone
Sum Ting Wong.............That's not right
Tai Ni Po Ni...................Small Horse
Wa Shing Ka..................He's cleaning his automobile
Wai So Dim?..................It's very dark in here
Wai Yu Mun Ching?.......I thought you were on a diet
Wai Yu So Tan?..............Did you go to the beach
Yu Stin Ki Pu..................Your body odor is offensive

 

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(2) ROOM SERVICE—Ordering Breakfast:

Room Service: "Morny. Ruin sorbees"

Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service"

RS: "Rye. Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen?"

Guest: "Uh... yes... I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What?"

RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"

G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS: "Hokay. An San tos?"

G: "What?"

RS: "San tos. July San tos?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo one toes?"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"

G: "English muffin! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bother?"

G: "No..just put the bother on the side."

RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Sorry?"

RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"

G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye?"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tendjewberrymud."

G: "You're welcome."

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(3) WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen? How the heck does that fit in here?"

So the tourist walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"

The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"

"Me, is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He say, "Hans Olaffsen." Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"

"I say, Sem Ting."

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